Strange love.

So 2013, you've really kicked me in the face. I'm currently in the process of getting divorced. Never thought I'd say those words in my lifetime, but it happens. It wasn't good... In fact it was pretty foul. None the less, here I am in my little studio writing some thoughts down so I don't forget what these 5 months have been for me. I realized I'm a tougher cookie than I ever imagined. As much as I pride myself coming from a family of strong women, I'm extra proud to say I haven't let myself down. I live and love hard, so losing my soul mate has been painful, unfair, sad and mainly weird. It's unnatural to fall out of love with someone you promised to love forever. I tried being amicable but that turned out to be challenging because of all the hurt I still feel. So we hardly talk, and that's okay with me for now. I'm sure someday we can have a genuine conversation but for now he's still busy being "that guy" and I'm busy healing. I'm excited for a new future... A new life. I must commend my support system for stepping in and never letting me fall. Seriously, by the time I realized what happened they had taken charge and made sure I was okay. To be loved that way will always mean everything to me. I'm accountable for what went bad... I was far from perfect and we were young and needed to do a lot of growing. I just think I will always be disappointed in his giving up. I know he knows I would have done anything to save our marriage and that gives me peice of mind. So it's time for my life to continue. I've soul searched in these last few months about what I really want in my life. I've gotten lost in distractions and realize that I'm not ready for most of that. I have so much to mend within myself that I can't allow the awkwardness of my situation to take over. I need to love me first, which I do... But I still can't help but feel very flawed. So I need to refocus my energy, starting with working. I've taken a 3 month hiatus and I'm prepared to do the work necessary to come out on the other side. So my promise is to never give up on me... And to keep striving for all the goals I've had for years. Not the love I envisioned for myself but although it's strange I will love myself completely. 2013 you've knocked me down but I am far from out.