Lovin' the wiggle...

The trouble is... I would love to consider myself pretty mature. Definitely not brand new... There is just so much I still don't know about life, love, and relationships, and that drives me insane. I thought I knew so much, and now I feel like I could have not known anything at all. Why can't people just mean what they say... Why not just be honest? Why can't I be a robot and not care about others even when I know they wouldn't care about me. These questions bother me, but I know the answer. I wouldn't be me if I was the type to not feel, to not care, to not still dream of the fairy tale. Is that naive of me? Will that mean I'm destined for a life of disappointment? I hope not. I have been focusing on myself and just giving that part of myself a break in hopes that I can come to some comfort, guidance, direction about what I really want to do next. I'm not in a rush... I know these things take a great amount of time and given my guarded state, even m

I often wonder if my life choices are right or wrong... I try and make calculated and thoughtful decisions, but then I wonder if I should take more risks. Risks are defines as exposure (someone or something valued) to danger, harm, or loss. I don't necessary feel like I have much to lose lately. Having endured so much you realize it doesn't take much to make you happy. I have my health, I have a home, I have love... What more can I ask for. With that said I feel like if I am ever going to take risks, in life, in my career, in love... Now would be the moment. It's just scary. It's out of my comfort zone... I don't usually take risks. But I'm leaving my life in the hands of God and praying he leads me down the right paths.

So in a healing effort to get my mind right, I've decided to make choices and take actions that will help me release and let go of any residual pain, sadness, cloudy haze that I carry as a result of my break up. I feel like I have taken leaps and bound in the past two years from broken mess, to still a little chipped. 😉 While I wish I could wipe my hands of all negativity, it's in situations I least expect that I realize the scar tissue I carry with me will always be there. I sincerely miss the days when life was so care free. With that said, this is day one. Easter Sunday 2015. Started the day off with some church with always heals my soul and I realize that I need to pray for myself as much as I pray for others. It usually hasn't been a part of my daily prayer because I would always feel semi selfish to pray for "things" rather than count my blessings. For now I started with a prayer for strength, clarity, healing, and direction. I pray that he guides me in